One in four adults will experience some form of mental health challenge each year. Yet despite the growing awareness of wellbeing, many people still find themselves waiting for help, unable to access it or simply uncomfortable asking for it.
Over the years, I have come to believe that most of us are searching for the wrong thing anyway.
We are often looking for a solution when what we really need is a way to cope.
Whether it is disappointment, loneliness, uncertainty, rejection, grief, conflict or anxiety, life has a habit of serving up challenges without warning. There is no formula that makes them disappear. There is no switch that turns them off. There is no point at which we become immune.
What changes is our ability to carry them.
As a mentor, I see this regularly in schools. Many of the young people I work with are facing circumstances they did not choose. Family breakdown, poverty, exclusion, anxiety and low confidence cannot be solved in a one-hour conversation. What they need is perspective, encouragement and practical ways of navigating the next day, then the next week and eventually the next year.
Adults are no different.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is the value of creating space. Not to fix anything. Not to analyse everything. Simply to stop.
A walk. A game of tennis. A workout. A coffee with a friend. Time in the garden. A few quiet minutes without a screen.
When we create space, the noise begins to settle. Problems that seemed overwhelming often become manageable. Not because they have changed, but because we have.
I have also learned that fighting our emotions rarely works. The more we try to suppress disappointment, vulnerability or sadness, the stronger they seem to become. A better approach is to acknowledge them, understand what they are trying to tell us and then continue anyway.
Courage is not the absence of difficult feelings. Courage is carrying on despite them.
There have been times in my own life when people I cared about have stepped away. Friendships have changed. Relationships have ended. Opportunities I hoped for have not materialised. Like everyone else, I have experienced rejection, disappointment and loss.
The temptation is always to chase answers.
The healthier response is often acceptance.
Not every relationship is meant to last. Not every chapter is meant to continue. Sometimes people come into our lives for a season rather than a lifetime. When we accept that reality, we stop wasting energy trying to force outcomes that no longer belong to us.
Perspective helps too.
Whenever I catch myself magnifying a problem, I remember that we are all tiny passengers on a small planet orbiting an ordinary star in an unimaginably large universe. Most of the things that keep us awake at three in the morning will barely register in a year’s time.
That doesn’t make our problems unimportant.
It simply reminds us that they are not the whole story.
Life will always throw something at us. The goal is not to avoid difficulties. The goal is to develop the resilience, perspective and self-awareness to keep moving forwards when they arrive.
Because in the end, wellbeing is not about living a problem-free life.
It’s about learning how to carry life’s problems without allowing them to define you.
William Montgomery is the Founder and CEO of TEN LTD, and an experienced keynote speaker and event host. He has spoken to a broad range of audiences on a variety of topics, bringing valuable insights and expertise. In addition, he volunteers with Speakers for Schools and Inspiring the Future. For more information or to request further insights, please contact him on +44 333 666 1010. The article above is adappted from his forthcoming book: LEADERSHIP IS MORE THAN A 10 LETTER WORD.