10 questions leaders should never ask

Leadership is often portrayed as having the right answers. In reality, great leadership is more about asking the right questions.

Questions can open minds, build trust and encourage innovation. Equally, they can shut down discussion, create defensiveness and reveal more about the leader’s insecurities than the issue being discussed.

Over the years, I have worked with senior executives, military officers, entrepreneurs and school leaders. One lesson appears repeatedly: poor questions produce poor conversations, and poor conversations produce poor decisions.

Many years ago I wrote a light-hearted article called 10 Questions Not to Ask After Swiping Right. Although it was written about dating, the principle applies equally to leadership. Relationships succeed or fail on the quality of the conversations we have. Teams are no different.

Here are ten questions that leaders should avoid asking, and what they should ask instead.

1. Why didn’t you do what I told you?
   Ask instead: “What obstacles got in the way?”
   The first question seeks blame. The second seeks understanding.
    
2. Whose fault is this?
   Ask instead: “What can we learn from this?”
   Leaders who focus on blame create fear. Leaders who focus on learning create improvement.
    
3. Don’t you think that’s a bad idea?
   Ask instead: “Help me understand your thinking."
   Curiosity beats judgement every time.
    
4. Are you sure you’re capable of this?
   Ask instead: “What support would help you succeed?”
   Confidence is built, not demanded.
    
5. Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?
   Ask instead: “What are your strengths and how can we use them?”
   Comparison rarely inspires excellence.
    
6. Does everyone agree with me?
   Ask instead: “What am I missing?”
   The most dangerous room is one where everybody agrees.
    
7. Haven’t we already tried that?
   Ask instead: “What has changed since we last looked at this?”
   Experience matters, but so does fresh thinking.
    
8. What’s the quickest solution?
   Ask instead: “What’s the right solution?”
   Speed matters. Sustainability matters more.
    
9. Why are you bringing me problems?
   Ask instead: “What options have you considered?”
   Encourage ownership, not avoidance.
    
10. Am I a good leader?
    Ask instead: “How can I become a better leader?”
    Leadership is a journey, not a destination.
     

The quality of our leadership is often reflected in the quality of our questions. Questions reveal priorities, assumptions and intent. They determine whether people feel challenged or threatened, valued or dismissed, heard or ignored.

The best leaders do not have all the answers. They create environments where the right questions can be asked and explored honestly.

Before your next meeting, conversation or difficult discussion, pay attention to the questions you ask.

Leadership is not defined by the answers you give. It is defined by the questions you ask.

This article was originally prepared for participants on our acclaimed 10/10 leadership development and mentoring programme. It reflects the practical disciplines leaders need to build strong, effective teams - whether they are leading for the first time or refining long-established practice. To find out how you or your team can benefit, please contact us.

William Montgomery is the Founder and CEO of TEN LTD, a leadership mentor, keynote speaker and author of the forthcoming book POTENTIAL. He works with leaders and organisations across sectors, bringing practical insight drawn from real-world leadership experience. For speaking or event enquiries, please contact +44 333 666 1010.