Leadership Tip

How to avoid being too defensive

When we get defensive we make it harder for our conversational counterparts to hear what we’re saying, and we usually trigger the other person’s defensiveness, too. After someone has said something that causes you to want to become defensive, these three steps can lead you toward cooperation - and away from explosion:

1. Take a deep breath. Think of the first thing you want to say or do and don’t do that. Your first instinct may be to defend yourself against what you perceive as an attack, slight, or offence.

2. Take another breath. The second thing you want to say or do may be to retaliate, but that will only escalate matters. Don’t do that, either.

3. Focus on a solution. Think of the third thing you want to say or do and then do that. Once you get past defending yourself and retaliating, you have a better chance of collaborating on a solution.


The above leadership tip...
was sent in response to a question from a participant on our acclaimed 10/10 leadership development and mentoring programme. Whether you're a first time manager or an experienced leader, straightforward, practical advice on best practice is hard to find. Until now. To find out how you, your team or your organisation can benefit, please join us on our next complimentary webinar or contact us.


HOW TO THRIVE IN THESE UNPRECEDENTED TIMES
As part of the government's current business support packages, we have been awarded funding to deliver our acclaimed 10/10 leadership development and mentoring programme "live and online" to help those now working from home. This 10-week cyclical programme, leading to the award of a certificate in leadership development, offers cutting-edge insights into change, resilience, wellbeing, motivation, teams, communication, strategy, influencing, effectiveness and self-awareness. READ MORE


For more tips...
on leadership and management good practice, subscribe to a Minute with Montgomery on 10TV.


Looking for a first-class speaker...
William Montgomery, Founder and CEO of TEN, is in demand to speak at events and conferences and usually achieves the highest ratings and accolades. To make a speaking enquiry for your next event, whether online, in-house or in public, please CONTACT us.

Subscribe

Free weekly email on things you didn't know last week with links to articles on leadership excellence. To view previous editions click here.


Learn how to lead effectively

Gleaned from wisdom acquired by working with hundreds of highly successful leaders from the world of business, media and sport, our workshops are fortified with practical tips to help you better lead yourself, your team and your business.

Read More

Leadership Articles

10 ways to build your team

Everyone would like to be part of a dream team - a group of people, each skilled in their own discipline, pulling together to achieve more than they ever could alone. Yet while most organisations talk about teamwork, they still tend to reward individual... read more

10 weekend habits of purposeful leaders

The most impactful leaders know that success doesn’t come from working around the clock - it comes from working with intention. And that includes how we spend our weekends. While weekdays often revolve around performance, the weekend is a chance to reset... read more

10 actions for effective communication

High-quality communication is an essential element in business and organisational performance. Effective communication relies on engaging with people, having a commitment to building strong and productive relationships and realising that we communicate... read more

Leadership Tips

How to avoid the perfection trap

In leadership and work, perfection is often treated as the only acceptable standard. Yet the pursuit of flawless outcomes can quietly undermine performance. Teams miss deadlines, energy drains away, and progress slows as people polish details that add... read more

How to rediscover the joy of reading

Reading is quietly disappearing. In Britain, just one in three children aged 8–18 read in their spare time, down sharply since 2005. In the US, only 16% of adults read for leisure on an average day, compared with 28% two decades ago. Yet leaders have... read more

How to open up as a leader

Sharing something of yourself with your team can build trust and connection. But it can also misfire if done carelessly. A thoughtful disclosure humanises you; an ill-judged one can undermine credibility. Leaders should not hide behind a wall of... read more