If you're naturally reserved, you've probably heard some version of this advice at work: “You need to speak up more” or “Be more assertive.” And while well-meaning, that advice can feel frustrating - especially when being reserved is simply part of who you are. The good news is, you don’t need to become someone you’re not in order to be heard or get what you want. Assertiveness isn't about changing your personality; it's about learning how to express your needs with clarity and confidence -on your own terms. Here are three strategies to help you do just that:
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Take a success inventory. Start by observing your current approach in action. Spend one week tracking your interactions- particularly in meetings or decision-making moments. Before each situation, ask yourself: “What do I want from this?” Then, after it’s over, reflect on what went well, what didn’t, and how your communication style may have played a role. This simple habit builds self-awareness and helps you identify when your natural style is working - and when a small adjustment might help.
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Set micro-challenges. Progress doesn't require a personality overhaul. Choose small, specific goals to stretch your comfort zone gradually. For example, challenge yourself to initiate three potentially uncomfortable conversations over the next week. Or, in group meetings, commit to contributing within the first two minutes - even if it’s just to agree or ask a clarifying question. These bite-sized goals build confidence and normalise assertive behaviour.
- Strengthen relationships. If you tend to hold back because you’re not fully at ease with your colleagues, focus on building more informal connections. That might mean joining coworkers for lunch, participating in online work forums, or chatting before meetings. The more comfortable you feel with people, the easier it becomes to speak up around them. Psychological safety often starts with familiarity.
The above leadership tip...
was sent in response to a question from a participant on our acclaimed 10/10 leadership development and mentoring programme. Whether you're a first time manager or an experienced leader, straightforward, practical advice on best practice is hard to find. Until now. To find out how you, your team or your organisation can benefit, please contact us.
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